She sends me the email on a fall day, when the yellow leaves are crunching beneath my boots. The stroller in front of me, I feel the vibration and I open her words.
Entrust. The word stands out in the middle of her email, a soft but firm reminder: you’ve got to entrust Him with this.
It’s not what I want to hear because the truth is: I do not know what entrusting even means. What does it mean to hand over to God the things I hold most close? What does it mean to see that all these things – these gifts – are His anyways?
The leaves dance wildly at my feet, and I push the stroller forward and I tuck her words close to mull them over. And I remember her addition at the end of the email:
“But remember to enjoy, sweet girl.
You’ve got this.”
Months later, there’s snow in place of golden leaves. Instead of her words staring up at me, there’s the small voice of His, asking me to entrust. To lay the Isaac down on the altar. To trust the Promiser instead of the promise.
And I wonder again at her words. What it looks like to even entrust what I hold close to Him.
I search for the word in Greek, in Hebrew, in the concordance and lexicons until the notes in my journal are long and in depth. From the Greek word pistis, to entrust means to be persuaded. A gift from God, unable to be produced by people.
To entrust to Him –
literally means to be persuaded by an act only God can do.
And because I am a chronic forgetter – I so often forget all that He has shown me, all that He has done, and the ways in which He so persuades me to place my trust in Him. To entrust my plans, my dreams, my love in the only place they are safe – in His hands.
So I pray – for I cannot do this on my own – to entrust what I hold close to Him.
“Persuade me,” I scrawl across my journal, tears brimming.
“Persuade me to entrust you with it.”
And the exchange – of laying it on the altar – is far more painful that imagined. But there is something beautiful in the persuasion, in the exchange, as God reveals love in a way only He can do.