Twenties are exciting. There’s a lot of change. A lot of hellos, a lot of goodbyes. There’s a lot of learning who you are and who you hope to be.
One of these things I am learning … I guess I just don’t want to be the one who is there when needed but when I’m not needed I am not even a thought. We learn and will prioritize what’s important to us. It’s pretty simple. What we love we will hold onto, and we’ll carve out time in our twelve hours of daylight for space for you to reside in. I wish I had the capacity to love and hold onto more – but my hands only hold onto so much.
And so do yours. There might not be room for me in them. Your life is full, and it’s not fair to you or to me to keep asking you to hold me in them.
I need to let your hands be yours. You’ll carry what you can. I will always wish that I could be a part of it. And my heart will hurt and my tears will grieve what was and won’t be.
Hold whatever is in your hands well. Hold then close. Marvel at what your hands do, not what they can’t.
But please – don’t hold too much. I know I sometimes do. I drop too much and then things and people get broken and hurt because I refuse to recognize that my hands are only so big.
I’m sorry for asking you for more than you could give. I’m sorry for expecting you to hold onto me when your hands were already full.
I’m going to let you go now. I’m going to rejoice in all that your hands do and let you be free from my hoping and expecting.
And I will also be letting myself free. Loving myself to say it’s okay to love with boundaries. It’s okay to have seasons even if they are painful in the changing. It’s okay for yours and my hands to only hold so much.