Clouded

I was a fool – clouded by words,

beliefs,

hope.

Is a fool someone who hears,

sees,

believes –

for something that is not there?

 

If it is – I am the definition,

clouded by words,

beliefs,

hope.

 

Or perhaps we were both the fools –

clouded by hearts

not yet ready

for love.

The Blanket

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There’s a blanket on our white couch, blue and white, folded haphazardly on the side of the armrest. It’s quite imperfect. There are two strips of colour in the middle that are slightly smaller than the rest. There’s a missed stitch somewhere that you can notice if you’re looking just right. The blanket was started and torn apart about three times, and the pattern evolved almost as much. It wasn’t just a labour of love, this blanket of mine; it was an offering.

It became prayers stitched in while the big blue hook made it’s way under and over, and under again. It was tears mixed in with the remnants of yarn left behind as it moved across the white couch. Questions were murmured amongst the whispers of praise. I asked Him to meet me when the blanket was finished, each stitch done, beautiful in its imperfection. Would He answer the questions I kept laying down at His feet?

He doesn’t. He just gives me more of Himself.

And I am wondering if the times when He is silent – when He makes His peace more palpable, and His presence more visible in the tears and the laughter and the warm breeze that breaks in through blinds in the middle of the night –

I am wondering if, then, you and I don’t really need an answer. We don’t really need the steps ahead of us illuminated in quite the way we think we do.

I am wondering if His silence and presence are really a whisper –

A whisper that you’re on Holy Ground.

I’ve given you all you need to take the steps forward. To make the decision. To choose the path to walk down. I’ve given it all to you because I am all you need, in every moment, in every decision, in every unknown. I’ve given you a mind and a heart and tears and feet and all you need to do is move, sweet girl. Just move. Take it all in, with a deep breath and a shuddering cry, and just move. Knowing I desire more to be the answer, then to give you an answer. 

That’s all you really need to know right now. Take all that I’ve given you – those eyes that see, that mind that thinks, that heart that feels – and go. Do. Decide. Commit.

And go fully –

Knowing I’m right beside you as you do.